Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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