I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you made out with another girl for some wings
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
