so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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