Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
