I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
