I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
