he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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