is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
