nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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