he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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