Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
