first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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