As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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