So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
