so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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