someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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