I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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