God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
