he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
