I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
