I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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