I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
