I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
