Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
