I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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