I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
