took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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