Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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