yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
