I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
