Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
