It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
