i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
