Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
