I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
