i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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