He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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