you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cannot find my penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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