Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My room smells like vodka and shame
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
