he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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