capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
