If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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