Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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