dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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