Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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