Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
