when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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