all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
