Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
