fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
