After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
