i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
