I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
