she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a dumb baby whore.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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