am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Holy shit dude........stairs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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