I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
4 words: hood of his car
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
