i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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