Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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