Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
