I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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