All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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