We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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