I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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