P.S. I can't hear my feet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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