I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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