How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
