He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
