She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
