I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
