In America we eat man semen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
