Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
