So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
