I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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