It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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