This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You made out with two different species that night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
