I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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