he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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